This section features the experiences of people who have entered a successful Thai-Farang relationship:
A Great E-mail to receive . . .
I have received a great e-mail from a Singaporean Chinese lady in a Thai-Chinese relationship. I am very honoured that Penny has read this website and written such an interesting mail about her Thai-Chinese/Aussie relationship:
Hi there,
I have just visited your website and come across some interesting articles. It is great to see that this website covers a wide spectrum on Thai Farang culture, marriages, etc.
My husband is Thai and I am a Singaporean Chinese. I come from a very traditional Chinese family where inter-racial marriages are frowned upon. When I started dating my husband back in uni (in Perth, Australia), I was trying so hard to keep our relationship under wrapped. As a matter of fact, so did he! I was a bit worried about how my folks would react. As our relationship blossomed, we came out in the open. Initially both families were a bit worried and unsure what to make out of it considering we were meant to focus on our studies. But everything worked well. We both reckon that our folks sending us to Perth for studies is the best thing that they could have given us - we not only gets the chance to further our education but we also met our soul mates. Today, we are happily married (just celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary last October and been together for over 14 years), and have two beautiful girls.
Our inter-racial marriage, like all other marriages need working on, but I must say that extra effort and care needs to be put in too and the dividends pay good! Although we are essentially Asians, but we still have different cultures. We both worked hard at meeting each other half-way. We learned Thai (and for my husband Chinese), we cooked the different types of food, etc.
After all these years, our marriage still going strong, and now our family (including our two young girls) can speak 5 languages amongst the four of us, we celebrate different festivals (Thai, Chinese and Australian), we have lived and worked in Singapore, Thailand and Australia, we have homes in these three countries and we are exposed to so many beautiful and interesting culture and customs. And may I add that our two girls are proud to call themselves ABTC (Australian Born Thai Chinese)!
Anyhow, I just thought that it would be great to share my story on the mixed inter-racial marriage between me and my husband. I also credit the website and the thoughts put in to share the wonderful success stories behind Thai-farang relationships, the cultures of Land of Smiles, etc. I hope all goes well for the website and I shall definitely keep coming back to check it out. Keep up the good work!
Regards
Penny
After 38 years . . .
We just celebrated our 38th anniversary at the Sima Thani here in Korat (January 6). This mixed marriage is the first for either of us.We had a rough and tumble time at the beginning when I lost my job and we had to really struggle, but we kept our heads up, kept honest and worked hard. Then I got lucky and landed a job with an American company in Iran, then transferred to Saudi Arabia to work with Aramco for 19 years. Our children are a product of all of this. One of the boys lives in Bangkok, the other in Connecticut, USA. We now have a grandson from each.
Life has never been easy. Without money and with it, we kept talking to one another and showing respect. My wife is only one year younger than I am. As far as older guys marrying Thai women, I have nothing against that but do question guys who ogle young women while they are married to a Thai lady that is likely considerably older. Sure I am not blind, but look at myself and ask if it would be fair for my wife to ogle younger men and feel the way some of these guys shamelessly demonstrate. But, who am I to judge?
We were interviewed on TV for a program that aired on ASTV cable channel 4 on 30 December 2006, titled Nephew of Isaan. All in Thai, the round table discussed relationships between Thais and foreigners in marriage, with many of the pitfalls and rewards mentioned, many not. hopefully those in NE Thailand who watched it gained some understanding and appreciation.
Good website you have here.
I am afraid that I am one of those activist farangs, at least as far as human rights are concerned when they are violated at our doorstep. More on that at the Watpa Salawan links on our website www.thekoratpost.com. Happy New Year to everyone, and good fortune to all. the more people create and post on websites like this, the better off life will be...
Submitted by Frank & Nit Anderson
Korat
7-11
Walking into a 7-11 in Bangkok is a delightful experience. You come off a sticky street that roars with mopeds and smells of dogs into a room of chilled alpine breezes. "Sawadee Kap"
Water for 7 Baht a bottle, 5 for the cheap stuff or 20 if you don't mind carrying a large one. Coconut flavoured peanuts for 20 Baht, a donut and coffee if you've missed breakfast, beer or a packet of instant noodles on the way home - I go into a store umpteen times a day. And always stop to feel my skin react to the cool, to look for something else to buy. They might be the MacDonald's of shopping, but they are a great place to buy almost anything you need at a good price. It's no wonder every Thai street has one.
And you've never met friendlier people. The kids behind the counter might only be earning 6000 Baht a month, but they smile, kid around and try to make the most of a long tedious job. So talking to the girl behind the counter was difficult - she knew her workmates were listening to every word, and so did I. I picked up my yoghurt drink and saw her leaning against the rack of cigarettes. She had a typically beautiful Thai face, but didn't belong here in a red nylon 7-11 shirt. A student perhaps?
I asked her name, how long she'd worked there, a few other totally inane questions. I was keeping her from the other customers, her friends were giggling and nudging each other. How long could I stand there?
I was 34 years old and had been traveling for five years. Eastern Europe, Turkey, and now Thailand. The last few years had simply been about fun. Teaching English was new and exciting, there were mates, bars and girlfriends in a dozen countries, and I was enjoying the recklessness of an extended youth.
The girl wasn't just beautiful, not just sexy, but looked vulnerable, fragile, in a way the clerks nearby weren't. There was a fire, an intelligence and wit in the way she negotiated my questions in her awful English. I kept her talking and before I'd learnt how to pronounce her name, before I even thought about what I was doing, I asked her to marry me.
She laughed, wondering what the hell I was doing, and said I was crazy. I could breathe again. But an hour later, after coffee, a taxi ride, boarding the overnight coach with my little plastic bag reminder, I was still trembling. Not with relief, but with the knowledge that I was going to marry that girl.
You see a western man with a Thai woman. What do you think? Imagine the man is wearing sandals, cut off jeans, a scruffy T-shirt. Imagine he's got a shaved head, a beer belly. Or perhaps he's in a short-sleeved shirt, office trousers, and shiny black shoes. Up to you. The girl is in heels, has a big gold necklace and bracelets, thick make-up and tight jeans. She's leaning against him, in the street, at a bar, in a supermarket, fooling around. Money? Sex? A mail-order bride for a pathetic loser, a pitiful marriage for the sake of dollars, the lowest, roughest edge of human relationships?
Well, a week later I was moving my clothes into her one-room apartment and studying the "Bangkok Post" for work. Two days later she'd spent the last of her savings and sold her telephone so I could buy some decent shirts. Months later she could get out the city to her home village to visit her son. A year later, a year of trying to live on an English teacher's wages, a year of holes in my shoes, giving up drinking and smoking, a year of staying in all weekend, of working all weekend, a year of knowing nothing about Thailand but everything about Bangkok bus routes, a year later, we got married.
And now, years after that, we're still praying the rice will last till pay day, we still dream of buying a house in the village for the three of us to live together but still can't afford to visit our boy more than twice a year, we're still doing grammar exercises, still listening to each other's songs, and we are still amazed that I asked and that she said yes.
Forget everything you've heard about western men and Thai women - walking into a 7-11 in Bangkok can be the best experience of your life.
Marrying someone from another culture is certainly an eye opener. Since marrying Ploy I am always comparing our life together as being like a ride on a rollercoaster.
It is not that the rollercoaster did not exist before, it is that Ploy encouraged me to get on it with her. Things that I would have argued myself out of before (and been argued out of by friends and relatives) I am now gently encouraged to do. It is not a one sided thing, I think we are both more fulfilled individuals by embracing each others cultures, by taking the best of each world and discarding the worst.
Marriage should be like this anyway of course, but when your girl is from Thailand the horizons are that much further away. I think you have to embrace each other's culture for a mixed marriage to work, otherwise you become ghettoised as individuals, people 6000 miles away from each other trying to live one life together.
How many times have I seen Thai/UK couples cook separate meals or have separate groups of friends that have nothing in common? Of course my experience is of only one Thai wife and in a lot of ways she is not representative of a 'typical' Thai girl, her parents were Chinese and her first language was Mandarin, not Thai; when she met she had no family left and had been alone for a number of years (I also had no family ties when we met). Maybe that invalidates any generalisations that could be made.
I look back at the changes in me since I met Ploy: I take much greater care in my appearance (and it is noticed by colleagues and friends alike), I smile at people in the street, even babies, I laugh more, I give money to charity and beggars, I look to my future more, planning things together (which considering how things are always changing is a futile but fun exercise), I am not frightened of DIY chores (having been previously discouraged because of one small unfortunate incident), I move country as lightly as buying a new pair of shoes, I feel proud to be seen out with her and I believe in myself more.
When out with her friends she is always complimenting me, on my clothes, my hair (OK not so often), my Thai (believe me that is flattery, without her to repeat what I say all Thais look at me as if I am speaking Klingon): I feel like a million dollars. I have a partner that is there for me, who knows me better than I know myself, who makes my favourite Thai salad and has a bottle of wine open (and she knows which is my favourite even though she doesn't drink wine), when I get home after a really bad day at work. Who knows when I have to be chastised, encouraged, disciplined or loved. No one, except possibly my mother, understands me as Ploy does.
I am just frightened sometimes that I don't give her so much as she gives me, although she tells me I do, just by loving her. Five years ago I was in the doldrums after a failed marriage, with a so-so job, with no aspiration. Now I have a great apartment in Singapore, house and land in Thailand, a degree in art history, a full and fun life, and now we are possibly moving to the US for a better job, a future. And all of that was only achievable because of my Thai wife, Ploy.
7-11 
A Roller-Coaster Ride
